Hey -

I was wondering if anyone has any advice, particularly related to feelings of abandonment? My parents divorce is relatively new (only earlier this year) because of how long & drawn out it has been to separate assets. The separation began about 3 years ago on Thanksgiving and since then my mum attempted to kill herself, my father remarried (to someone my age), and I recently married. I'm young and my parents are young, having had their children at young ages (early 20's) and since my husband and I live very close to our family, we always spend the holidays with family. 

Traditionally, Thanksgiving has been a rota of multiple Thanksgiving meals with his family and my family. However, since the divorce, my father has explicitly stated how he is moving on. He has on multiple occassions discussed having children with his wife and "getting things right this time" and spends holidays either traveling with his wife, or with his brother's family. While my father and I were estranged for almost a year after the divorce - due to him using and manipulating me (particularly his demand that we don't speak of my mum's suicide attempt to anyone outside the family, including my then fiance). We got back in touch and tried to move past our issues, however, it was quite superficial. He was barely involved in my wedding and most of that was his need to "save face" amongst his peers. However, I cannot quite manage to move past my hopes that we might someday have a relationship (I can't quite say salvage a relationship since he was mostly busy throughout my childhood due to work and prone to raging fits. The basis of our relationship through my teens was our mutual love for heavy metal music), however, we're stuck in this impasse where he doesn't treat me as family nor invites me to spend holidays with him. I know I could do my part and talk to him, however, holidays are always hosted at my in-laws and my mum's house, both places where he is not invited. So if I reached out to him, it would be to invite ourselves to his home - and I know that sounds slightly ridiculous because he is my father - but his house is not my home. I've only been begrudingly welcomed there once and to increase the humiliation, he had photographs of all of his family (my uncles & aunts, cousins, grandparents) and his wife's family, but no photos of me. It very much seems as if he is trying to erase his past and start a new life, one completely diverged from myself, and I'm unsure if this is a conscious choice on his behalf or influenced by his wife. His wife and I are on decent enough terms for having met only a few times and trying to converse with her not fully comprehending english. 

I'm just unsure how to proceed when I feel, for all intents and purposes, my father wants to abandon his relationship with me as his daughter. Any ideas? I should probably also note that my ability to clear discuss my feelings with him has always been....non-existent. And to be clear, I'm completely fine with the divorce and have resolved my anger and issues with it, thanks to a very good therapist and my very very wonderful husband who listens to my rants. I do have a few issues with my father's marriage, not his wife persay, but the way they went about it because it was a giant secret until I got a phone call with a surprise "we got married in Vegas".