I have been searching everywhere for a support group or anyone who can relate to me, which has been challenging. Thankfully I found an article which lead me here. Anyway, I am not a child of a divorced parent but my situation is non the less different....my dad died 5 years ago. So the process in which I am dealing with now would be the same as an adult child of divorce. I hope you can accept me and help me out.

My mom and I have always been close. Ever since I turned 18, she has been my best friend. I felt like we could talk about anything and everything until she threw this huge bombshell on me. Out of the blue she tells me she is getting remarried. Now this is a bombshell because she never told me she was even seeing anyone. So I don't even gradually get to accept this kind of news its just sort of like here is this new mysterious daddy. Needless to say, he lives 24 hours away from her, pratically across the country. I asked her how she met him and she said that he used to live in the same town but he moved out there for college and eventually had married and settled down. He somehow knew my dad (although I never heard my dad mention him) and after my dad passed he started calling to check up on my mom. Okay, well why did she never mention him before? After I processed that huge bombshell, she starts to grow distant.

My brother and I talk about this. My brother is a good 15 years older than me and he remembers my father talking about this guy she is seeing. He said from his memory, my dad disliked him. Yet this new guy keeps trying to tell us he was my dads best friend. Yeah right, just like I am best friends with the president (note my sarcasim). My brother and I start talking about him to one another. He tells me our mom said this but she tells me another story. For example, my mom lives up north. I live down south and I am about 12 hours from her. She has been telling me for the last year that she wants to move down here. She said it would be nice to retire and not live where it snows. I am so excited for this because I don't have family down here and it would be nice to have someone. Well, she told my brother that her new fiance is moving in with her and they're buying this property to start a chicken/goat farm. There is talk of them putting in a swimming pool and all of this new "expensive" stuff. Two different stories and when confronted she says, I just don't know what willl happen. Same with this wedding. She tells my brother it will be in Spring and she tells me it will be whenever I can go. Well I am in college FT from now until next winter break, I don't have time for no silly wedding. (yes, I have to go all summer too). Never a straight answer with her.

Okay, so I want to see my mom happy again obviously so I decide to talk to this new fiance of hers. First conversation we ever have...he tells me he loves me and he will die for me. He tells me that he thinks of me as his daughter and blah blah blah. He talks about my father like they were best friends but yet his first memory of my father was of a time when my dad got drunk. Not a positive memory if you ask me. I basically tell him to stop. I am NOT okay with any of this. I never met him and I dont love him and I doubt he loves me. He just doesn't stop. He texts me almost daily saying he loves me, sending me selfies, and saying how proud of me he is. He even does this with my brother, who dislikes him too. My brother isn't one to talk about his emotions and so I can't really talk to him about this because all he says is I hate this guy. I just don't think its appropriate for this guy, whom I never met and only talked to twice, to tell me those personal things. That comes in time, no?

Up until tonight, I have been coping. However, he came to visit my mom on Christmas eve (2 weeks ago) and its like he moved in. He has no plans to leave anytime soon and I can barely get her to talk to me. She ignores my texts (yet she can post on facebook) and ignores my calls. When she does answer my calls, she acts as if it was a big inconvience. When she does talk, its about this guy and his family. Tonight, she was too distracted by him that when I talked, she talked over me and had a conversation with him. Then occasionally she would pause and go..uhuh. I finally said I see you're too distracted to talk, bye. I heard her try to say I love you but at this point I just hung up. Normally she would have noticed and called back but nothing.

I feel like her new family is better than her old family. I feel like the last person in my life to stab me in the back, just stabbed the front of my heart. I feel betrayed and somewhat abondned. She didn't handle this in anyway correctly. There was no gradual hey I am dating someone, slowing get to know him. It was a here is your new freaking daddy and him trying to replace my father. I know hate is a really strong word but I really really don't like him.

The child inside of me wants to scream at her...and tell her like it is. The adult part of me understands how lonley feels and wants to see her happy. How do I handle this? How do I cope? Is this normal to feel this way?

I cannot afford therapy....so please don't suggest.